All We Can Do
by Artpixie7
Summary: It was all we could do to survive. We were not in our right minds, we were troubled. Something was wrong with us, but we denied it. We just wanted a place in the world, but at least I did. But what if we had no place? What if there was no room for anyone like us in the world? What if there was no place...for me?
1. Too Lost For Comfort

He was dead.

I couldn't believe it.

His once stunning sandy fur that caught the rays of the sunlight, shining with a thousand stars, was now stained with blood. It was now horrid to look at. His once bright and excited green eyes were now lifeless and dull, staring back up at me, filled with betrayal. His big paws that had been itching to sink into the enemy's flesh were no longer twitching, nor fighting for life. His claws were still unsheathed, and they had clumps of my ginger fur in them.

My fur.

My blood stained fur. But not my blood, his blood.

I had killed him.

 _What have I done?_ I thought, sinking to the ground beside him. It was raining, and my paws struck the wet ground, splashing water everywhere. My whiskers dripping with water, so were my eyes. I was crying, but not for the loss, for the feeling that resided in my stomach. A bad feeling. And I hated it. I didn't mean to hurt anybody, I didn't mean to be a bad cat, but I had done it. I had killed him.

 _And he was dead._ I thought over and over and over in my mind, pressing my soaked face into his water logged fur. He had smelled so good...but now he just smelled like death, blood, and rain. I wrinkled my nose, and a quiet sob escaped my throat. I could hardly hear it over the drumming of the rain overhead. My tail drooped, settling into the mud.

"Oh, Desertpaw, you led yourself to this destiny, you filthy animal," said a voice above me. I glanced up from my former friend, only to find my new friend. If I could even called them that. I didn't know a right from a wrong, I was mislead. But I didn't know that, I hardly knew anything. All I knew is, I couldn't show my face in the Clans again.

"Twistedpaw, let us go now. We shall be thankful if we ever get out of the Clan's territories by the break of dawn," she said.

"But...but...Vinetooth!" I said hurriedly, scrambling to my paws. We were both soaked, and I was freezing, sad, and confused. Had I done the right thing? I had loved Desertpaw deeply, but I could never have told him that. He was already in love with Moonpaw. Moonpaw was beautiful and sleek, her pale fur making her look like she was glowing. I, on the other hand, was a plain ginger with mud brown eyes and lopsided ears.

"Don't 'but' me. You do as you're told, and I command you to leave with me," she ordered. My ears flattened against my wet head, nodding with apprehension. Something bad was to come from this, I knew it. But as I stared into her fierce orange eyes, I knew there was no room for argument. Once she realized she had won, she put on a smug facial expression and whipped around, her flicking tail sending water onto my face. I shook out my fur, but it did no good since more water fell from the sky and onto me again. I sent one last glance towards Desertpaw before turning to follow my mentor.

"Desertpaw, more like _Deserted_ paw. I never really cared for him, don't you agree?" Vinetooth said, glancing behind her at me. I gave a curt, but regretted, nod. It wasn't true, I loved him so much. My heart felt as if it was being torn in two, I didn't know where my heart lay anymore.

I was lost.


	2. No One Stands in My way

_Three moons ago…_

 _My fur ruffled in the wind, my ginger fur striking against the blue back drop behind me. For once in my boring life, I felt excited. It was exhilarating. My heart was pounding and my eyes were wide. I stood on the edge of a cliff, a long drop down. But I wasn't afraid, I was never afraid to fall._

 _I didn't know how wrong I was._

 _My nose flared as a familiar scent filled them, then I realized I wasn't alone. A smile dawned o my face as I closed my eyes, speaking without turning around. I knew that scent, I loved that scent. They smelled of pine trees and running water, they smelled of roses and morning dew._

" _Desertpaw…" I said teasingly. "I know you are there."_

 _After receiving no answer, I turned around to scan the clearing behind me. The bushed rustled, and out stepped a sandy-furred tom with kind, mossy green eyes. He let out a snort in dismay._

" _Aw, it's no fun when I can't sneak up on you," he said, dipping his head in a greeting._

 _I let out a laugh. "Well you aren't very sneaking, so that won't do you much good."_

" _That's because you have better senses than I do. You could smell or hear a mouse fifty tail-lengths away!" he exclaimed. I stepped away from the edge of the cliff and cuffed him around the ear._

" _And you know it," I said smugly. The sun was going down, leaving spatters of blazing bright rays adorning the sky. It was time to go home._

* * *

I trudged through the rain, now it was getting harder and faster, it was beating down on my back. It almost hurt, but Vinetooth seemed unaffected by it. She bounded ahead, she kept having to stop and let me catch up.

"Would you stop lagging behind? Come on slow poke!" she said, irritated.

She didn't understand my pain. As a matter of fact, neither did I. I flicked my eyes back behind me. Desertpaw was too far behind to be able to see him. But I could still see the trees where he had died. Those poor trees, they shouldn't have had to witness that. And the blood, oh Starclan, the blood. There was so much of it, so much scarlet liquid. It blended in with the puddles of rain, forever tainting the earth with it's copper taste. Of all the things I had seen and been through, the blood forever stayed in my mind.

"Why is blood red?" I thought out loud. I didn't really want an answer, it was just good to get things out of my system.

"I'm not sure, why?" Vinetooth asked.

I stayed silent, and she shrugged. She turned her attention back to the task at paw, to get out of the territories safely. I winced as a pain-filled screech split the air. It was full of the pain of loss and despair, they must have found Desertpaw's body. The bushes behind us shook, and I jumped back in alarm. The bushes parted as a large white tom burst out of them, skidding to a halt in front of us. They were just as surprised to see me and Vinetooth as we were to see him.

"Whitebelly? What are you doing here?!" Vinetooth hissed angrily. Whitebelly was a big klutz, and he often got lost. Vinetooth and Whitebelly never got along very well.

But, to my surprise, he sighed with relief. "Guys, the whole of TornClan is looking for you!" he said happily, he was probably happy that he found us. "Come on!" he flicked his tail towards the camp.

Vinetooth took a threatening step towards him. "Go back home, Whitebelly. We aren't coming back."

Whitebelly cocked his head to the side, confused. "What do you mean? Are you hunting or something? I don't think you'd find much in this pouring rain..."

Vinetooth shook her head in frustration. "No, you big mouse brain, we aren't coming back. _Ever."_

A look of shock crossed his face. "W-what?! Why not?"

Vinetooth gritted her teeth in anger, sending a glance at me. I knew what she was trying to signal. I was to strike him down, whether to hurt him...or kill. But I couldn't do it, not to an innocent cat like Whitebelly. He was truly harmless.

But he wasn't stupid. One glance at my paws and he gasped. I had Desertpaw's bloody sandy colored fur hooked on my claw.

"Twistedpaw, what happened?" he asked, suspicion blazing up in his eyes.

It all came tumbling, I couldn't stop myself. I told him how I had killed him, yet I felt so bad. His eyes got even wider with every word I said.

"Y-You _killed_ Desertpaw? How could you?!" Whitebelly exclaimed in surprise. A look of fear spreading out on his face. His once bright lopsided grin was replaced my horror. I couldn't respond. _How could I?_ I repeated in my head. _Because that's what you do._ Said the voice in the back of my mind. _I'm a cold blooded killer?_ I asked. _No, you are a fierce warrior who let's no one stand in your way._ I didn't budge.

"Twistedpaw, do it," she urged. Then, she leaned closer to me and whispered, earning another confused look from Whitebelly. "or you'll never become a great warrior."

That was all it took. I didn't know how else to react. I lashed out with my front claws, tearing through the flesh on his cheek. His beautiful white fur was spattered with blood, and his confusion replaced by utter shock.

"T-Twistedpaw!" he said in surprise, stumbling backwards. I didn't stop then. My mind had clouded over, leaving me feeling as if I were hovering outside my body. I tried to reason with myself, but the voice in my head kept saying otherwise.

 _Do it. He deserves to die._ It said menacingly. _But he didn't do anything!_ I argued back. _But he's in your way. If you let him go, he will tell the Clan about your betrayal._

 _Don't let him get in your way._


	3. The Death of an Innocent

" _Boo!"_

" _Seriously? That is getting so old," I scoffed, flicking my tail across Desertpaw's muzzle. He had jumped out of a bush in attempt to scare me again. He looked like a frustrated kit when he was upset, it was awfully cute. Desertpaw stomped his paw on the ground and groaned._

" _No fair! Come on, I want to scare you at least once!" he said._

 _I lifted my chin up to the sky and shook my head. "Not a chance, you big badger."_

 _He feigned a look of shock. "Badger?! You're calling me a badger? I'll show you a badger..."_

 _I rolled my eyes, not bothering to look at him again. I knew what he was going to do, but I didn't have the time for play fighting. I was busy. Desertpaw crouched down, raising his haunches, before pouncing on me. At least, he tried to. I sidestepped, and he landed in the dirt beside me. I shook my head in amusement._

" _When are you ever going to learn?" I asked him._

" _Learn what?" he asked me in a low voice, probably irritated that he wasn't able to scare me, or pounce on me._

" _That you could never beat me in wrestling," I stated cockily._

" _Psh, whatever. Like you could take me."_

 _I raised an eyebrow. Then, I crouched down, my nose right in front of his. "Oh yeah? Is that a challenge?"_

 _He shrugged. "I dunno. Is it?"_

" _Well, if it's not a challenge, then you are wasting my time," I said, standing up._

" _Well, I didn't really come to fight you. You're mom is looking for you," he said. "Something about a broken paw..."_

 _I gasped. "Oh no!" I said, and then hurriedly whipped around and darted off through the trees._

* * *

"Never..." I said. Whitebelly was the enemy, why didn't I see it before? He was going to betray me like everybody else. But I wouldn't let him. His expression, his fear, filled me with an energy that I didn't have before. It was exciting. My nostrils flared menacingly as I slowly stepped forward. Whitebelly's eyes were wild, filled with so many emotions. Fear, confusion, betrayal, and then more confusion. He backed up into a bush as I gained on him. And just as he was about to turn around and run, I lashed out with my front claws, my claws leaving score marks in his neck. With a choked gurgle and pained gasp, he fell to the ground with a thud. The deed was done.

Whitebelly was dead.

Vinetooth let out an approving chuckle. "Very good, Twistedpaw. I knew you had it in you."

My expression darkened. I knew I did too, but I never wanted to kill him. My paws were heavy with his blood, and my stomach was heavy with regret. My shoulders slumped a bit as I took in the mangled sight of Whitebelly's throat. He was staring with wide, lifeless eyes. They were glazed over, I suspected that he was already in StarClan.

"Twistedpaw, at this rate, you'll be the greatest warrior that ever lived! Next to me, of course," Vinetooth sneered. She wrinkled her nose at the stench of his blood. "Come on, let's go," she said, turning tail and padding through the trees.

I glowered at Whitebelly once more. Not because I didn't like him, but because I didn't like myself. What had brought me to do this? The voice in my head. My mentor. All the traumatizing things I'd seen when I was little. Myself.

It was my decision to hurt these cats. I was under the influence of the voices and Vinetooth, but I was the one who made it happen. And, surprisingly, I didn't feel guilt about that. I just hated looking at their bodies.

 _That's right. Make excuses. You know what you've done, and you will take this to your grave. Death awaits you around every corner._ I thought to myself. I started to shake. My legs wouldn't stay still, and my body shook with some unrecognizable emotion. But another voice broke into my thoughts, stilling me with it's comforting words.

 _Don't be afraid._

And I wasn't. I was never afraid to die. But it didn't mean I wanted to die. I would rather not.

"Are you coming or not? Our former Clan mates will soon find us if we aren't fast to get out of here," said Vinetooth.

I slowly nodded before turning to pad after her. As we walked through the forest, I recalled so many things that had happened here. My first catch of prey, my first won battle, my first time out, the first border patrol I was ever on… I even remembered little things that happened, battles, hunting, hard times in leaf-bare and much more. But the biggest memory was that of my kin...


	4. Out of the Territories

_I burst into the camp, panting after running so much. And as I had suspected, a loud, pain-filled screech split the calm air around me. I bolted across the clearing, skidding to a halt into the medicine den. There, in a mossy nest, lay Dewstar. She was in wretched pain, and she could hardly breath. Her paw was twisted at an odd angle, she had been born like that. But this was much worse. Her paw was twisted ALL the way (around at nearly 360 degrees). Her eyes lolled back in her head, and a shrill wail escaped her throat._

 _I was by her side instantly. "Mom!" I said worriedly, trying to get her attention._

 _The medicine cat, Foxsnout, shooed me out of the den. "She can't hear you. The pain has blocked off all her senses, there isn't much I can do."_

 _The news hit me like a boulder. "Wh-what? Nothing you can do? There must be something!"_

 _Foxsnout regretfully shook his head. "I'm afraid not, Twistedpaw. She is in too much pain to be treated."_

" _Will she recover at all?" I asked, a hint of hope in my voice._

 _Foxsnout didn't answer me. He just turned around and walked back in as another bout of howls sliced through my ear drums_

 _I growled. Crouching low, I leaped on top of Foxsnout. "You are going to answer me! Can you do anything about it?!"_

 _Foxsnout's sides were heaving. "I-I've done all I can, Twistedpaw. There's not much left to do."_

" _You say 'not much.' What else is there to do?"_

 _Foxsnout was silent once more, averting direct eye contact with me. My nostrils flared, and I released Foxsnout slightly. When I saw his relief as he thought I was letting him go, I slammed him back onto the ground. "ANSWER ME!" I shouted through my tears. "WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO?!"_

" _Let Starclan take her gently," he whispered._

* * *

I turned away. I could not bare the sight of the rotting tree in which my kin died. On the fateful night, it was warm and musty, my fur was plastered to my body due to the excessive sweating I did. My deep brown eyes were wide with fear, something I now inflicted on others. Too many times was I mistreated by my kin, but the sight of them mangled and dead was too much for me.

But I didn't want to think of that.

For a while, Vinetooth and I had been traveling along the river bank as the rain beat down even harder. It splashed in the river, flooding it even more than it already did. I looked down at my claws splashing in the puddles. My claws were crusted with blood, some of it washing away with the relentless rain. But the burning excitement of the deaths of Whitebelly and Desertpaw still blazed in my eyes. My paws ached to sink into someone else's fur, I clicked my tongue against my teeth impatiently.

"Feeling twitchy, are we?" Vinetooth asked me, having to speak up for me to be able to hear her over the rain.

I looked up from the drenched ground. "Yes. I want to kill." It was a true, yet false statement. Of course I wanted to kill, it ran in my blood. Yet…I felt remorse whenever I did. Not at the kill, not at Vinetooth, but at myself.

Vinetooth flashed me a wide, menacing grin. "I have taught you well. Tell you what, the next cat we see, they are all yours."

I smiled. Not an evil smile, but an actual smile. A genuine smile.

The trees thinned out as we slunk towards the edge of TornClan territory. I stood at the edge of the territories, my fur heavy and stained with blood and rain. I wiped my paws on the ground in the hopes to wash it off, but it clung on like a leader clinging to their last life.

As I thought about leaders and last lives, I remembered the last leader TornClan. Dewstar. My leader. My enemy. My mother. Just thinking of her gave me a sense of longing. Yet, at the same time, a sense of dread. _What would she think if she saw me right now?_ I bit my tongue, the pain momentarily distracting me. _Who cares what she would think? She left me a long time ago. I've never seen her since. Not once._ She's never bothered to check up on her only daughter. _Then I must not mean anything to her, just as she means almost nothing to me._

"Are you coming?"

Vinetooth's venomous voice sliced into my thoughts, dragging me out into the open. I felt slightly dazed, and then I realized she had crossed the border, and was already ahead of me. I shook my head, bounding towards her.

"What's going on in that head of yours?" Vinetooth asked, and I could hear the irritation that laced each word she spoke.

I shook my head again, falling silent once more.

* * *

We had neared the other side of the territory by the time the rain had let up. The sun was just peaking over the horizon. We had better move quick. The dawn patrol will be here soon. As I heard a hiss, I sent a glance towards Vinetooth. My paws ached, but my claws were ready for battle. I whipped around, only to find five warriors and a new apprentice right behind us. I was hoping we'd be out of the territory before they came. Oh well.

Too late.


	5. I Am A Monster

_I sobbed into Desertpaw's fur, turning it a darker color with my tears. He nuzzled my cheek with his, trying to comfort me. I gritted my teeth, drowning my cries in his soft sandy fur. The warmth radiating off of him was so soothing, and I found myself sinking into him. I rested my head on his side as he lay down, but a cold pang brought me back. I jerked away from him, rearing back and bounding away. He chased after me, but the cold truth kept me going faster than him. And the cold truth was…_

… _my mother was dead._

 _The news hit me over and over like I was caught in a monster swarm on the Thunderpath. I felt broken inside, like something had snapped. I'd never want to go back and face the Clan again, but I had to. I never wanted to go back, nothing would be the same again. And the deputy...I didn't trust her. Vinetooth would make a horrible leader._

 _When I reached Fourtrees I was on the verge of collapsing. I slumped against one of the trees, sides heaving. The tears flowed more freely now, as if they were pouring rain. I grieved for my lost mother, throwing my head up to the sky. I howled so loud, as if words could not express how horrible I felt. Not even Desertpaw, whom I loved deeply, could ever make this pain go away. Her death cut a deep gash in my chest, the size of the sky. It was wide open, fresh and deep, and it bled._

 _I felt the fur of someone brush against me, and someone whispered, and I whipped around. No one was there._

 _The wind carried a whisper far away from me so I couldn't hear. "Twistedpaw…I'm right here…please, please don't become what you are to become."_

 _Dewstar watched as I circled the trees, looking for the cat who had rubbed up against me. Her pelt was shining and rippling with every movement she made, but she was invisible to the living._

" _Don't become a monster…"_

* * *

I swerved to the left as a paw flung at me, claws unsheathed. I slid my claws out of my toes, prepping them for battle. As the small black cat lunged at me, I spread my front paws wide, catching them in my paws as if I'd give them a hug. I dug my claws into their back, flipping them over, and pressing them into the ground. They snapped their teeth out at me, but I jerked their chin upwards with my paw. One of my paws held their arm to the ground, while the rest of my body weighed down on their other one. In one swift nick, I had a dead cat under me.

My fur was coated in blood, and I stared in horror as their body slumped to the ground. Why did I have to feel like this after every kill? _I should feel like a champion. I should feel proud._ Yet, deep inside of me, cold, wet dread snapped at my insides, like a fish was teeth and claws was flailing about in my stomach.

A wet gurgle was brought to my attention, and I turned to see Vinetooth with a silvery cat in a death grip. Vinetooth had her teeth buried in the cat's neck, she seemed to be enjoying the taste of her victim's blood. Unlike her, I spat out all the blood. She just licked it off her muzzle.

I felt a weight on my shoulders, then several stinging pains in my back. A brown calico she-cat had flung herself onto me, trying to weigh me down with her larger mass. I wobbled under her a bit before throwing myself backwards, landing on top of her stomach. She let out a lungful of air when I crushed her, and I flipped myself over quickly. Before I could do anything, I felt someone grip my scruff with their teeth. I was flung to the side of them, hitting the sandy ground. I had no pain, so that was good.

As they towered over me, I kicked out with my back legs. I sent them crashing to the ground, right into the fur of their dead Clanmate. I pounced on them immediately, lashing at them with fully extended claws, over and over and over again. They struggled in my hold, but soon they found themselves drained of all energy, and all of their blood. They sputtered up blood, all over my fur.

I wrinkled my nose as the stench of death struck my nostrils. _Two down…_ I turned around, only to find two other cats fleeing from the scene. The last survivors. It was the small apprentice with a large red tom. I smirked. _Bet they weren't expecting_ two _cats to defeat them._

However, when I turned to Vinetooth, she had a scowl on her face. "Are you alright?" I asked.

Vinetooth snarled. "I'm fine. We killed three of them."

I grinned, though something was weighing the corners of my lips down. "I know. Isn't it great?"

"We were caught, Twistedpaw. We were supposed to be stealthy," Vinetooth spat. I ducked my head, an apology on my lips. Before I could say I was sorry, an idea came to my mind.

"We still smell like TornClan, right?"

"Yes, I suppose we do..."

"Then the whole of GorseClan will accuse TornClan of the deaths of these cats."

A slow grin spread across Vinetooth's muzzle. "And there would be a war!"

"Exactly!"

"I'm impressed, Twistedpaw. You are getting so close to being a warrior, I can feel it."

I beamed with pride. But my eyes looked downcast. _I'm no warrior. I've not been a good cat. I've killed too many to count._ I felt a pang of sorrow strike me like a claw as I recalled the sandy tom. Desertpaw had been so supportive, so nice, so kind, so fierce, and so good. He had been with me every step of the way, and now he was gone. Because of me. Because of what I've become. Staring at the dead bodies on the sandy ground made me realizes what I've become.

 _I'm a monster._


	6. There's All Gone

_It had been two moons since Dewstar had died. Vinetooth had gone to the moonstone, and she came back as Vinestar. Sharpclaw, her new deputy, had been a kind deputy. Despite his name, he was a very loving and caring cat; a cat that_ should _lead the Clan. I was glad he was my mentor. Though, I felt as if he could not teach me enough…like there was something missing._

 _However, whenever I spoke to Vinetooth, she always said the same thing. "You have lots of potential, Twistedpaw."_

 _And I always asked the same thing. "To be a warrior?"_

 _But she never answered me._

 _After another few days, Desertpaw came running up to me. His eyes were wide, and he was alarmed. "Twistedpaw!"_

" _What is it?" I asked, his startled scent peeking my interest._

" _You'll never guess what I've found out," he said. Desertpaw leaned closer to me, he smelled of pine and fresh grass. Desertpaw lowered his voice, and I could feel his breath against my pelt. "Vinestar was never accepted by StarClan! She doesn't have nine lives!"_

 _I stifled a surprised gasp. Instead, I whispered back. "Really? Where did you hear that from?"_

" _I heard Foxsnout and Vinestar discussing it," he replied. "Follow me." He turned around and crept towards the medicine den, crouching low in a clump of brambles. We weren't in front of the den, but we were close enough to hear the conversation. I ducked neck to him, perking my ears for the voices in the den._

" _...should we do?" Foxsnout's voice came. I could detect worry in her voice._

" _Nothing! I am the rightful leader of TornClan, with or without StarClan's permission!" Vinestar's unmistakable venomous voice followed._

" _But it is not StarClan's will for you to be leader," Foxsnout argued._

" _I don't care what their will is, this is MY title!"_

" _Vinestar! Come back!"_

 _I sent a glance at Desertpaw. "Vinestar's coming!" Desertpaw managed to get away in time, but I slipped on the ground. It was still wet from last night's rain._

" _What are you doing, Twistedpaw?" Vinestar asked, her voice surprisingly mellow. I searched her face for any signs of anger, but found none. She was one to be able to come out of a heated argument, and come out as smooth-faced as a stone._

" _You're not our leader," I said quietly, finding my voice._

 _Vinestar raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"_

" _You weren't accepted by StarClan. You aren't our new leader."_

 _Vinestar grinned, clearly please I knew that. "No, I'm not. But you know what the best part about that is?" I shook my head. "No one will know." Vinestar bared her teeth, and I saw her extend her claws. She lifted them to my face, and I could feel the sharpened tip graze my cheek._

" _You're fur is soft," she said smoothly. "It would look delightful if it were bathed in blood." I almost started hyperventilating, but I didn't move. I was frozen still._ Bathed in blood? _I thought in panic. Was she going to kill me? I heard a choked gasp, thinking it was me, but when I turned my eyes to the side I saw a tail disappear out of the den. I would have told Vinestar, if she didn't have her claws pressed against my throat. Soon, she sheathed her claws and drew them away from me. She obviously didn't hear the gasp._

" _You've got guts, kit," Vinestar sneered. "I grudgingly admire that."_

 _I opened my mouth to speak, but closed it again, over and over like a fish. I didn't know what to say. "Why?" I finally managed one word._

 _Vinestar laughed. "Why what?"_

" _Why are you still leader?"_

" _Because I earned this position, whether or not StarClan thinks I did," Vinestar said, her face growing grim._

 _When I opened my mouth again to speak, a low voice cut me off._

" _Vinetooth, step away from the apprentice."_

* * *

As Vinetooth and I walked along the border, the air seemed to change. When it had once been familiar and serene, it was now unfamiliar and creepy. I felt things pick at my pelt, and my paws sunk into other things that smelled of animals, I kept pushing forward Every time I looked behind me, I wished I could just go back. To go back and make things right. Whether TornClan knew about my kills or not, I wanted to be in the clan again.

"For the last time, Twistedpaw, get a move on!" Vinetooth snapped, drawing me out of my longing haze.

I shook my head. "Sorry," I said. As we continued down the unfamiliar path, the forest ground gave way to moor. I glanced around, feeling the hot sun beat down on my back. The rain had long passed, and the clouds parted. I stared at the ground, my fur still wet from the rain. _Why is my life like this?_ I asked myself. _Why couldn't it be normal? One with no blood, no pain, no death, and no betrayal…_ I started to argue with myself. I could just turn around and slip away and go back to my clan. _No. This is my life now. I couldn't face them…not after all I've done._ Desertpaw came to mind. The thought of his lifeless body struck me like a badger. I couldn't bare the thought of him, so I turned my attention to the heather tickling my paws. I listened to the beating of my paws on the ground

When I could no longer smell the scent markers, I realized something.

We were out of the Clans.

I glanced back behind me. No, we were away from the Clans. The forest was a hazy line in the distance. _Wow_ , I though, _I must have nodded off for a while._

The wind brought exciting, new smells to my nose, the grass tickled my feet. A new feeling arose inside me. I felt free, free from the Clans, free from my duties, free from everything. But I wasn't free. I was anything but. Vinetooth still had her hold on me, and I couldn't escape. I started to laugh. First it was a throaty giggle, then full blown hysterical laughter erupted from me. Everything was trapping me. The open moors of the world were my cage. The endless skies that stretch forever above me were the roof of my cage. It wasn't funny. Yet I was laughing. Why?

Vinetooth flattened her ears against the horrid laughter she heard from me. My voice cracked and rose into a high, ear-splitting pitch. "What are you laughing at?" she snapped.

Memories of all the cats I had killed flashed before my eyes. All the blood, all the gore, all of their organs that had spilled, I could see it all. Every bit of it. It was horrifying, yet I found it hilarious. I felt no more guilt. "Nothing!" I shouted, running ahead. Vinetooth shook her head, watching me run. She chased after me, then she leaped in the air and came down on my back. Her weight stopped me in my tracks. Her big, furry paws pinned me to the ground, eyes gleaming. My laughter ceased.

"Are you crazy?" she hissed. "There could be cats following us. Do you want to get us caught?"

My eyes were wild. They darted this way and that, anywhere but Vinetooth's cold ones. "The Clans are far behind us," I said joyfully. "No one can stop us!"

"Are you mad? Why are you acting like this?"

I twisted in the warrior's grip, squirming under her glare. "I saw everyone."

Vinetooth's face turned from cold and harsh to confused. "What?"

"Everyone…" my voice trailed off. My eyes looked into the distance. "They're all gone now."

 **A/N: Hey guys! I am SO sorry for my hiatus. I have been so lazy with my writing on here, so I hope you can forgive me. :)**


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